Good Intentions Gone Wrong
the impact of the words we use
Going into the music industry is not for the faint of heart. It is a hard and grueling business fraught with all kinds of issues.
We’ve all heard the proverb:
“The road to hell is paved with good intentions”
In my experience, the road to hell is also paved with bad intentions.
From my teen years on, I’ve had a handful of people with very good intentions (and sometimes very bad intentions) say head-scratching and destructive things that have almost derailed my musical journey.
Below are a number of phrases or questions said to me in a variety of settings (some are paraphrased and some are quotes.)
Career Advice? Suggestions?
Are you sure you will be able to relate to music students who went to Rice since you teach at a State University? Would you be comfortable with that? (asked by an adult in a job interview. I was 4 years into teaching at a university after earning my DMA in music.)
Will anyone even know you’re a violinist here? (asked as an adult in a job interview by an adult who teaches courses not in his field of expertise…)
Don’t go to a conservatory, you’ll probably just end up being a mother anyway. (I was 17 and told this by a teacher)
I don’t think you should go into classical music, do fiddle or something different instead (said to me by a HS teacher)
I don’t want to see you just end up freelancing (said to me as an undergrad)
You don’t just want to end up teaching private lessons (said to me off and on from the time I was a teenager)
Whew. Ok.
Obviously, there are a number of things to unpack here. Some of these phrases are sexist, some are elitist, some are just mean, but all imply that I am/was in some way not enough or am/was not doing enough.
What I was doing or planning on doing wasn’t good enough, or successful enough, or impressive enough in their eyes.
Despite these ghastly questions and remarks thrown at me, I persisted.
Now, I won’t say they didn’t get me down temporarily, but I refuse(d) to let them keep me from doing what I love to do.
The Interviews
Surprise, surprise!
I did not get either of the jobs where these interview questions were asked. The interviews happened at two very different organizations- one in higher-ed and one in the non-profit world.
The way I see it is if the interviewers felt they needed to ask those questions, we were not going to be a good fit. I do not want to work with people who see me that way or even felt the need to ask those types of questions.
To Conservatory or Not?
I did not go to a conservatory for my undergrad. I earned my BM in Violin Performance from Florida State University…an excellent school, with a stellar music college, and wonderful professors. It is there that I worked with my mentor and cherished violin professor Beth Newdome. After FSU, I did briefly attend a conservatory.
I earned 1 credit from the Manhattan School of Music in a very short-lived pursuit of a MM in Violin Performance (hooray for a half semester music history review course). The school was not the right fit for me. I adored my professor at MSM and look forward to seeing her next month, but NYC in my early 20’s was not it, and that is ok. Attending or not attending a conservatory had nothing to do with wanting or not wanting to be a mother, that fact is completely irrelevant.
My advanced degrees are in viola from universities. I made a choice to find the right teachers and programs for me, and do not regret it one bit.
Alternate Styles
The comment about pursuing alternate styles instead of classical music was from a good place, but was not great advice.
I’m really glad I didn’t pursue jazz or fiddle right after high school and am equally glad that I had opportunities as a teenager to explore other styles of music.
Playing in other styles as a teenager changed the way I approached classical music, playing by ear, improvising, and ultimately led to my love of new music. In a twist of fate, around 2015 I found myself playing in a professional string quartet that specialized in presenting concerts in multiple styles and blending classical, pop, and beyond. We even recorded an album and went on tour in China in 2018.
About once a week from about 2016-2023 I played three hour sets with various quartets for the Harmony in the Air Program in Houston, TX. We played primarily pop music.
While I am no longer in the Axiom Quartet or living in Houston, I’ve had a great time performing in Candlelight Concerts in Texas, Georgia, and Florida- performing everything from Beatles, to Queen, to Vivaldi.
Being versatile and classically trained is a gift.
Freelancing and Teaching
Ah, the teaching and freelancing comments.
These are some of my favorites to debunk…first off…the job market in the 1980s when the commentator who said it was entering the music field was completely different than it was in 2008 when I entered.
Freelancing
Freelancing is not an easy career by any means, but I’ve met and played with some absolutely fantastic musicians with dreamy musical pedigrees in regional orchestras and freelance chamber ensembles. There is nothing wrong with freelancing. We can’t all win the orchestra jobs or get the higher-ed jobs, but that doesn’t mean we should quit music. We just have to find our groups and niches.
Teaching
I love teaching. Teaching private lessons is my favorite. I don’t “just teach private lessons.”
If you teach private lessons you run your own business.
Teaching is a career, a profession, and it takes way more than just opening your doors to students once a week. The private teacher is the bookkeeper, scheduler, manager, CEO, educator, marketing team, social media manager, cleaning person, and professional life juggler all in one.
So, yeah, I’m ok with “just teaching private lessons” thank you very much.
Words Matter
I truly believe some of the phrases said to me were said with really good intentions and some were not. I wish the people who said them considered the gravitas of their words and the lingering impact they could have.
While none of us are perfect, I do think we can strive to be more mindful of our words. Sometimes we say something that impacts a student or colleague or friend in a negative way, whether we mean to or not.
I don’t share these stories to make anyone sad or upset or think I’m unique in my experience. I tell them to encourage us to be more mindful of the words we use…the things we say to students and other musicians make an impact.
Glad you hung in there! 😎